I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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