3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize