Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize