you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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