So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize