i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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