he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize