Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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