I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize