My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dick very happy bro
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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