i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
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Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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