I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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