guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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