I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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