I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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