My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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