the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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