please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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