I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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