We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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