every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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