We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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