call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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