and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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