my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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