how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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