Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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