she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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