Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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