If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize