I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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