No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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