U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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