found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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