I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize