3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize