It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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