I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize