I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize