Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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