Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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