I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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