She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize