I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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