dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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