apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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