new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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