So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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