She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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