I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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